My Brother's Keeper
by OverlyCheerfulRat
Summary: After the failed Uchiha coup, Sasuke has spent most of his childhood caring for a seriously ill brother.


Before the coup, Sasuke remembered training with Itachi and helping his mother in the kitchen. He remembered being popular in school and begging his father to tell him about the police force. But most of his childhood memories were of court rooms and hospitals-a week before the coup, Itachi had a seizure. There was a blur of white walls, antiseptic, doctors, "this disease infects the chakra system", crying, and his strong big brother lying in a hospital bed, looking very weak and very small. Then there was the coup, followed by trials and executions. When Sasuke's life finally calmed down, it had changed forever. Now "normal" meant no father. It meant hospital visits and panicking when Itachi coughed.

When Sasuke was seven, he learned that no one was invincible. His father died, his brother was hospitalized for weeks or even months at a time, and his mother sank into herself. She never completely emerged. When Itachi had been "healthy" for a while-they couldn't truly call it remission, because there was no chance of recovery-she might perk up and give her sons faint smiles. But she was always worried about medical bills and Itachi's condition, and by the time he was thirteen years old, Sasuke had forgotten what her laugh sounded like.

Everything was about his brother. They had moved into a smaller house after Fugaku's execution, and the two boys shared a room. Sasuke kept an eye on Itachi in the night, making sure he didn't cough or throw up or have a seizure. In the morning, he would wake his brother and take him to the bathroom, quietly asking if he had "lost any blood" during the night. A few months after he got sick, Itachi had started wetting the bed again, and the treatments only damaged his bladder further. So Mikoto had to put him back in diapers, something that Sasuke was expressly forbidden from mentioning. Bloody urine meant a call to the doctor, making sure it was nothing to worry about.

At twelve years old, Sasuke was already a failure in the eyes of the village. He had given up his former dream of becoming a ninja, and instead taken a job at the ramen stand in town. Mikoto couldn't work-most of the time she was taking care of Itachi, but when he was having a good period, she would hole up in her bedroom and sleep all day. Itachi cleaned the house and cooked when he was well enough, but he was bedridden or hospitalized more often than not. Sasuke was used to coming home from extra shifts at Ichiraku's to find the house empty and a hastily scribbled note that simply read "hospital", or to a silent house with his two remaining family members asleep.

It was hard not to resent Itachi. Sasuke knew it wasn't his brother's fault he was sick, but he still hated him a little, in a dark and silent part of his truest self. He hated waking up in the middle of the night to soothe his crying brother, he hated the medicine bottles in the bathroom cabinet, he hated buying diapers at the store, he hated the pitying glances, he hated hospital waiting rooms. Once, he had confessed this to his mother. She gave him a heavy, disappointed look. "Are you really that immature, Sasuke?" He opened his mouth to defend himself, but Mikoto cut him off. "Itachi is the one who's crying, because he's the one in pain. Itachi has to take all the medicine in the cabinet. Itachi has to wear those diapers. Itachi is the one who gets stuck with needles in the hospital while you sit comfortably in the waiting room!"

It never mattered when Sasuke got sick. Once he caught a stomach virus while Itachi was undergoing surgery in the hospital, and Mikoto didn't even notice. But when he came to see his brother after the surgery, Itachi took one look at him and said, "You look pale. Are you ill?" And that was what made Sasuke feel guilty-his brother had never stopped putting him first, even as he lay dying. For that reason, he always tried to help Itachi in any way he could, even if he was a bit resentful about it.

The diapers certainly weren't the worst part of Itachi's illness, but they were the most awkward. They had all been eating dinner when Itachi suddenly tensed up and Sasuke heard liquid dripping onto the floor. He didn't understand what had happened until Itachi put his head down to hide the tears in his eyes and Mikoto led him out of the room. Sasuke noticed the stain on Itachi's pants and the puddle on the chair, but didn't say anything. The next day, Mikoto bought a package of diapers at the store, but when Sasuke tried to ask about it she glared at him. All of them tried to avoid the subject, but Sasuke could see the shame in Itachi's eyes when they had to bring it up.

When Sasuke was fourteen and Itachi was nineteen, their aunt got remarried. The wedding had been bittersweet for Sasuke-on the one hand, his mother was smiling and chatting with old family friends, but on the other, she kept glancing at Itachi and insisted that they leave early. Itachi was wearing a suit and his hair was tied up, and a few relatives hesitantly commented on how nice he looked, but Sasuke just thought about how he'd had to help Itachi get dressed and how his brother's hair had fallen out when he brushed it. He saw that Itachi got tired after only a few minutes of dancing, he saw that Mikoto cried on the way home.

At sixteen, Sasuke was almost a foot taller than Itachi. He hated seeing how much the disease had changed him-where he had once been leanly muscular and moved with a catlike grace, Itachi was now unhealthily skinny and stumbled when he walked. Sasuke knew that doctors had trouble sticking him with an IV, as his arms were so small it was hard to see the veins. At routine check-ups, nurses would often mistake Itachi for a child, and always had to use pediatric coffs when they took his blood pressure. There were deep purple shadows under Itachi's eyes, and his skin was so pale it was nearly see-through. It was easy to cut or bruise him, something Sasuke realized when he was nine and playfully shoved his brother, not realizing how weak he was. Itachi had fallen down and cried out, but when Mikoto ran in he said he just tripped. There was a huge bruise on his back for weeks.

Sasuke came up with little games to entertain Itachi when he was in the hospital for long periods of time, most of which got him yelled at by the doctors. Sometimes Itachi's platelet count dropped so low that he bruised instantly at the lightest touch, and Sasuke would draw small designs on his arm. It made Itachi laugh, but Mikoto screamed at him when she saw. Most of the time Sasuke tried to be out of the room when doctors were treating Itachi, but one time Itachi asked him to stay. So Sasuke watched quietly and held his brother's hand, watching as the doctor pressed on his frail chest and did something that made Itachi scream. He saw the diaper grow wet, and the doctor must have noticed as well, because he had the nurse get a new one.

Although Itachi was twenty-one years old, he still had to stay in the pediatric ward. It was partly because his medical records were there, but more because he was so small. Sasuke felt embarrassed on his brother's behalf-the adult hospital gowns and diapers were too big for Itachi, so he had to wear the ones meant for children. When the hospital was busy, the nurses sometimes wouldn't have time to check on all the patients, and Sasuke would have to change his brother himself. He never mentioned the childish patterns on the diapers or the wetness indicator on the front, and Itachi never met his eyes afterward.

One of the worst days of Sasuke's life had been the day some asshole doctor decided to try a new medication. He remembered sitting by Itachi's side, listening to his older brother sob desperately and call for Shisui, who had died years ago. As the drug continued to move through his body, Sasuke hushed Itachi as he pleaded for Shisui, Fugaku, Izumi, Kakashi, even Mikoto, who had gone home earlier that day. After she left, Itachi grabbed at Sasuke's clothes and cried, "Where's Mommy? Where is she, otouto?" When the drug wore off and Itachi passed out, Sasuke yelled at the doctor and demanded that it never be used on his brother again.


End file.
